The Day My Heart & Soul Died
by Labyrinth-dancer121
Summary: Story of Bridger's love for his son. I had this weird dream that I turned into this story. Only problem is -I am a girl so I wrote it that way and am trying to convert it. Bear with me. Angst to come. I hope you enjoy it -
1. Prologue: The Day I Die

The Day My Heart & Soul Died

_Ok so I had this dream and made it into a story. I am a girl tho so when I wrote this originally I made it from my point of view instead of Lucas. I thought in my dream Bridger made a GREAT dad. Hehe. I am having to rewrite it so it will take time. There is a lot of angst –which comes from reading to much fanfiction. I haven't published much for anyone to read – I just write for myself mostly so I hope you enjoy –try not to flame to badly…._

_O Yea, Flashbacks Are in italics labeled as fb (duh I know!)_

_FYI – I don't own any of them. I wish I did. If I did I would have been nicer to them and kept the 1__st__ season cast. They made a perfect team. sighs O Well… Hope you enjoy – Please leave comments so I don't have low self esteem …hehe. _

The Day My Heart & Soul Died

Prologue

"The Day I Died"

I remember it all like it was yesterday. Honestly how can you forget the day your heart & soul died? Damn pride & foolishness – that is all it took. I never told him how sorry I was – never even got the chance to explain. It's kind of funny. I got a 2nd chance to do life over again - he brought me back from the dead & I threw it in his face. That is what he believes anyways. If I could only say I was sorry… God take me in my sleep tonight.


	2. Chapter 1: My Son

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"My Son"

fb app. 31/2 years ago.

"_What an arrogant little bastard!" that's not a nice 1__st__ thought. Yet here he is talking to me as if I am in kindergarten & he's what 15 …16? Genius maybe… people person, doubtful. I have this feeling when I see him though. Is he lonely? Well of course. He is the only child here. Depressed? I could see that too. Needing? – But needing what? A swift kick to be sure but I don't think that is it. Where is this child's parents? How could they be so heartless to leave him here? Maybe that is it. He needs a parent in his life._

end

had I known then his father abused him - His mother left him I would have adopted him then if I hadn't been so desensitized to the world I would have seen it. It took nearly a year before I realized and when I almost lost him –the rip formed.

fb

_He is leaving for 2 weeks to go see his father. I told Kristin as I tried to keep myself calm. Truth was I didn't want him out of my site. I was going to miss him something awful. In more ways than one he became my son on our journey. He brought me out of my hell & made me a new man. Well two weeks isn't going to kill me at least Kristin will be with me but I can't help but feel my heart ache & worry enter my heart._

_11 pm that night_

_He called me looking tired but ok, yet something in his eyes held me captivated for a while longer. He didn't say anything other than that he was ok & having a fun time but what was unsaid?_

_11 pm the next night_

_Why does he look so tired? There is a hint of sadness – his eyes do not lie to me yet his words tell me it's all good. Kristin is trying to reassure me –giving lame excuses – at least to me. "Maybe he is working on a project, you know how he gets. He doesn't eat or sleep – yadda yadda – those are the excuses." there shouldn't BE any work, not to mention I forced him to leave the computer behind." I yell to Kristin. I am not mad at her just worried about my boy. That's what he has become – MY Boy. _

_8.25 pm the next night_

_He called so early tonight. – Kristin & I were in the middle of dinner. He felt bad for interrupting. I told him it was no big deal. Kristin knew that child has me wrapped around his finger. We made small chat when he finally told me the reason he was calling. He wouldn't be able to for the next few days… something about his dad. I felt like slapping myself because I didn't give him a PAL. He looked near tears, but I told him it was ok. But for him to be careful & yes for the 1__st__ time I told my boy – I loved him._

_3 days later. App. 3 am._

_The home communication unit rang & in grumpy sleepy fashion – I slammed the ringer off. Five minutes later my PAL chirps – I thought to myself "to ignore that would cause trouble." so I get up to answer_

end

How could I have known? Why didn't I see! His eyes never lie. My world collapsed.

fb

"_What is it?" I ask moody because I was awoken – O'Neil's voice came just as groggy as mine. "Sir, Lucas is trying to call you and couldn't get an answer – I am not getting a visual but he sounded upset. Can I patch him through?" fear gripped my heart as well as regret for shutting him off. "Of course patch him through –tell him I want a visual." Finally it did come through and Ice gripped my veins. His arm and wrist clinged tightly to his body which was swollen. Eyes black and blue. Tears were streaming down his face. He talked with a deadly calm voice. "Sir, I think I am going to die tonight. I believe tonight is the night he's finally going to kill me." A loud banging noise is in the background as he lets out a muffled scream. "Lucas, where are you? Keep talking." "I just wanted to say thank you for everything Sir, keep holding on to hope & I love you too." I hear the door give & my boy scream. I get back on my pal as the screen went black – I scream for O'Neil to get coordinates & I pray. For the 1__st__ time in years I pray that my boy is going to be ok. _

end

They say in times like that your body goes into autopilot. I am pretty sure I did. Kristin has the doctor mode. The UEO helicopter took too long for me – to Kristin it felt like seconds. The ride, eternity. Kristin –minutes. While everything else was slow motion for me, she was the picture of calmness. I ran up the steps to the mansion and burst the door down in one swift kick. I had to search the house but when I found his room – pain engulfed me so much I couldn't breathe. I ran to the broken and beaten body on the floor.


	3. Chapter 1b: My Son

Chapter 1b

_**A/N: OK I should have said this in the 1st chapters but I am not use to all this. I prefer pen & paper to the computer for writing. Anyways, this is a alt. universe. I don't like Lawrence and he is a bad guy in this. I never thought he deserved Lucas anyways. Bridger made a better father. I also rated this T because There is some Lang. and bad situations to come in this. I am going to try to keep it down to a minimum though. I hope you enjoy.**_

--

**"My Son"**

FB

_"Lucas…Lucas … please answer me!..." no movement – he's not breathing…"KRISTIN!!" – There—Kristin started CPR. "come on Lucas. You cant die here, I need you to much. I cant do this without you…I wont. I cant loose another child…you know you're mine… don't let us die here…" I can see Kristin is worried now – not just about Lucas, I am now on her worry list. I don't care though because its true. I will die this time around. …Lucas…his breathing resumes….thank you God."_

End

That was one of the longest & worst journeys of my life – the ambulance ride alone.. he stopped breathing twice. Twice his life ended – as did mine & twice they brought us back. The waiting to find out if destiny was going to be cruel to me for a third time – I knew – just knew that – I'd never be able to deal with it. When the doctor came & and told us he wasn't out of the woods but he was stable, I finally breathed once more.

FB

_" Are you Nathan Bridger?" "Yes…I am … Lucas?" "I am Doctor Grey," "I don't want to be rude but I could care less who you are... how is Lucas?" "Lucas is in critical but stable condition. He suffered massive internal injuries, including a punctured lung, 4 broken ribs, a shattered wrist, and some head trauma that became a major concussion. Luckily we got him here & he has a fighting chance…"_

end

It was a long week – and even longer recovery. He pulled through. I knew even then that he would never see his father again. I stayed day and night at that hospital never leaving his side long. When they finally let him come home – we went to the courthouse 1st – to sign adoption papers. That day It became official … Lucas Wolenczak became Lucas Bridger… My son forever.


	4. Chapter 2: A Wedding

_**A/N : From this point on Bridger is dad, Kristin is mom. Sorry the chapters are kinda small... i have trying to post some other stories to and the best way to do that is to break them into smaller pieces because I hand wrote these stories and am copying them as i go... hope you enjoy -- r&r**_

"_DAD! She has me wearing a tux! I cant wear a tux… wont a nice shirt and pants do?" I chuckle because that's what I wanted – nothing fancy – but you cant argue with kris! "Its her wedding kiddo." "My death senctence." I cant help but to just laugh loudly. He looks like someone just ran over his kitten. "It's just for a day – she is going to be your real mom now and you can make her pay for this then." I can see the evil gleam in his eye and try not to laugh again. " I will father of mine… I do love her tho. I am so glad youre marrying her. _

_--Hours later near sunset—_

" _Ladies and Gentlemen – I give you Mr. & Mrs. Nathan Hale Bridger." _

end

Lucas & Kristin –the two most wonderful things in my life, I didn't think I would ever be this happy again, and here I was . I danced with my beautiful wife to so many songs with a smile on my face & in my heart. I had to stop for a breather tho and I wanted to talk to Lucas… Yet I could not find him.


	5. Chapter 2b: A wedding

FB

FB

"_Commander Ford… have you seen Lucas?"_

"_Not for awhile. If anyone would know it would be Ben."_

_I found Ben talking with Katie in that "Special" way leaving me thinking we would have another wedding soon enough. I interrupted Ben and he had a look – so I pulled him aside. "Sir, he told me not to tell you – he looked upset but told me not to follow him. He was walking the shoreline last I saw him and he said he wouldn't be long – that was about 30 minutes ago."_

_I took off. I didn't know what could possibly be wrong. I finally found him not too far away, sitting in the sand, overlooking the ocean in that cute tux. _

_"Lucas, Are you ok?" he doesn't even look up but I can here in his voice as he said he was fine – that he wasn't. I sit beside him and just wait. Soon enough the flood gates opened. I pull him into my arms & just hold him. Finally he spills his heart. _

"_I am scared dad. I am scared Kristin will take you away from me. I am sad too. On a day this happy, I keep thinking how much you both love me – yet my own parents hated me. My mom left without so much as a goodbye – My father beat the crap out of me for fun… and then I think – they didn't love me – they use to say they did but they turned on me – so how long before you and Kristin stop loving me too…? _

_My heart shatters into a million little pieces – tears in my eyes. _

"_Lucas, your parents were messed up. I promise you – I will never EVER stop loving you – you're my kiddo – and no one not even Kristin will come between us – not that she ever would. It's going to be ok. I love you SO very much." _

_I let him cry a little more, hugging him tightly crying myself. "We need to get back before a UEO search party starts looking for us._

end

We made it back in no time with a panicky Kristin awaiting us. I tried to give her an explanation as discreetly as I could. As I dance with Kris, I watched Lucas from the corner of my eye. He looked so young, and in such need of love – even with sand still clinging to him & eyes red from crying – he had a sparkle & a smile as radiant as the sun. He was my son. That night under the full moon I was complete.

We left for our honeymoon the next day – that completeness I felt just the night before was replaced with a great sadness. I was leaving Lucas behind for 2 weeks for the 1st time since I adopted him. He of course rolled his eyes in a very teenagerish way & told me he would be fine – after all the senior officers were staying at the beach house – Ben was sure to keep him outta trouble. That made me roll my eyes. "Good" never comes to mind when Lucas & Ben get together. I trust Ben though. Ben & Lucas are the best of friends. I finally let myself relax. 2 weeks with Ben & Lucas in trouble & 2 weeks in Ireland with my beautiful wife. Another rip formed when I returned and found my boy had a life altering moment he kept silent about even 3 weeks after we returned.


End file.
